The Lunch Club Podcast

Things We Learned the Hard Way & Mindsets and Mottos

• Andrea Seehagen • Season 2 • Episode 9

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We put ourselves on blast with the mistakes that shaped our businesses, from trusting the wrong clients to absorbing way too much shame when things did not go to plan. We leave you with the mantras we actually use to stay steady, protect our peace, and keep building even when something goes wrong. 
• highs and lows of an intense wedding season and post travel crash 
• Instagram collaboration tips plus grid and carousel updates 
• reframing “failure” as timing, redirection, and alignment 
• human design as a lens for intuition and quitting shame 
• trusting your gut with clients and sticking to your contract 
• how one harsh review created fear and people pleasing habits 
• protecting your business when vendors act in bad faith 
• mantras for a growth mindset, overwhelm, and event day chaos 
• treating financial mistakes as education costs and learning faster next time 
We would love to hear any of your takeaways from this episode. Whether you shoot us a DM or you tag us on a story, we would love to know that you're listening. Please feel free to tag us on social media or again, please send us a message. We're always so excited when we hear that someone's listening to us. And as usual, if you have any requests for an episode or something that you're struggling with in your business, we would love to help and answer any of those questions. 


Welcome And What We Are Sharing

SPEAKER_00

Hello everyone and welcome back to the Lunch Club podcast. Um, we're so excited for today's topic, as per usual. One of these days we're gonna get on and be like, we're not excited at all about today's. Okay, but actually, today's topic, which is um lessons we've learned the hard way, and then we're also gonna dive into some mantras or mottos. I will say this is kind of vulnerable. Yeah. This is like the the things I'm embarrassed to say that I did wrong.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, this is like putting ourselves on blast a little bit, but this is why we should be your favorite podcasters because honestly, like, what do we have to gain from people not knowing that we make mistakes? Like, hello.

SPEAKER_00

Yep, everyone's doing it, we're just more open about it. Exactly. We're not holding anything back.

Highs And Lows In Busy Season

SPEAKER_00

Um, before we get into it, let's talk about highs and lows. Why don't you go first?

SPEAKER_01

I'm gonna start with my low. My low is that I am I feel like I keep saying this, but I'm really like heading into the belly of the beast for me. Like I have it's already started. It started two weeks ago, but from now until October, I have a wedding every other week. And it's just really like sometimes a hard pill to swallow when there's really no break. Because that really means like every other I'm working every week because the weeks I don't have my wedding, I'm cleaning up from the past event and prepping for the next one, and then I have an event, so I'm just like feeling a little bit bummed, just like about like I don't have like as much free time with the kids on the weekends, like I can't go on any vacations, I can't. I'm like, I'm I'm kind of stuck here, which I don't love that feeling, but that leads into my high, which is I'm really excited because I am very busy, which makes me feel very blessed, and just like having the gratitude of like, wow, I have such a busy calendar and like an amazing team that's going to be stepping in and helping me with all this stuff. My new interns start this week, and I'm feeling like pretty organized and on top of everything. Um, so I'm just trying to ride that side of the coin of like this is good, this is busy is good, but of course, there's there's a flip side, so yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I always say like um trying to stay in the excitement because it just yeah, excitement versus anxiety or like productivity versus overwhelm, like that line sometimes like you kind of got have to balance it, and yeah, you have to give yourself like a little pep talk of like okay, we're staying excited, we're staying grateful, we're staying motivated.

SPEAKER_01

Well, I'm like, I don't know, just like looking at the calendar, like literally every single week. I have so many it's just like whoa, yeah, it does feel the overwhelm, but also that's so much content, that's so many like fun opportunities, like yeah, it's fun.

SPEAKER_00

So, and you know, we are not really about toxic positivity, and it's okay if sometimes it's just hard, and you know, it doesn't have to be like awesome all the time.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly. Um, well, give us give us your update. This is a post-Italy podcast recording, so you've made it, you survived. Yes, you survived. We did it.

SPEAKER_00

So that we're gonna, I'm gonna say my low is coming back from Italy. I just immediately well, I immediately had to jump into something else. Like, we got back in the evening, I went to sleep and then woke up at 5 a.m. to go to the flower market the next day.

SPEAKER_01

Which, like, that is insane.

SPEAKER_00

My dad drove me, which was so nice of him. Like, I had asked him before Italy because I knew that I had this little event, and so I was like, hey, I know I'm gonna be dead. Can you drive? So I took my pillow and he drove, and it was really nice. That was so nice. Um, and just kind of, yeah, and fun to go together. Like, I've wanted to go with him for a while now because he has never been. Um, so it was fun. But I got sick, like immediately after I finished that little event and post Italy, I for like a week straight was so sick, just like with it was nausea and a cold, and it was like headaches non-stop. I just I think my body was on adrenaline riding the high, and then finally was like, we're safe, we can just let it all go. And I got for sure pretty ill. You heard about it every single day. I complained and complained.

SPEAKER_01

Which fair, like that sucks. You come home from like such a crazy week and like it still couldn't get back to normal.

SPEAKER_00

Yes. But my high was I mean, Italy, Italy as a whole. Uh I will say, like, especially the week of vacationing before the work started. It was just so beautiful. Prettiest place I've ever been, and definitely will be going back many times.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, it looked absolutely insane. If you are like, what the heck are you guys talking about? Go to Johanna's Instagram, um, go watch all of her pretty content.

SPEAKER_00

And I have been posting quite a bit because everybody I'm talking to is like, I want more. I'm like, all right, here you go.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and like at least you got that. Like, that's impressive to remember to get the content.

SPEAKER_00

I well, that's like all Kayla. I had my assistant slash best friend slash sister-in-law there with me, and she is so good at capturing content, like it's almost overwhelming how much content I have now.

SPEAKER_01

But I'm glad it's it's better to have that than be like, oh wow, I went to Italy and did this crazy thing and I have nothing to show for.

SPEAKER_00

No, it's amazing. She she did so good. Um, and everybody was telling me, like, Kayla's stories are so good. So then I just started reposting everything she posted, and it was like I was doing social media, but I didn't really have to. I just yeah, like shared everything. Just have everyone tag you, honestly.

SPEAKER_01

That's why I think it's really funny when people get a little bit like picky about letting freelancers tag them or other vendors tag them. I honestly kind of prefer it because yeah, it just puts less pressure on me to feel like I have to post it all on socials after. Like, I got my content, but I don't necessarily have the energy to like do the update.

SPEAKER_00

So nothing more relieving than seeing that you have been added as a collaborator on a post and the cover image is good. I'm like, excellent. Accept, accept, accept.

SPEAKER_01

Which, okay,

Instagram Collabs And Grid Updates

SPEAKER_01

this is my last thing. I'm gonna enter, and then let's freaking dive in and get into the nitty-gritty. But I a few people I've talked to didn't know about this, so I feel like it's a good PSA for social media that you can accept a collaboration with someone and it doesn't have to be on your feed, so like you can still be getting like the insight from that and like getting that engagement. Yeah, but if it doesn't match with your profile, when you like click the three dots, like you're gonna edit it, you can select like remove from the profile so people can still see it. And I've liked that because sometimes it is like the photographer, and the first image is just something so not like applicable to me, but I still obviously want to like be a part of it, and that's kind of been like a nice little little balance, I think.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, speaking of, I don't know if you have seen this yet because I know Instagram does like rollouts like at different times for everybody, which is weird. But have you seen that you can reorganize your grid now?

SPEAKER_01

Yes, I'm stoked about that. You can go back and change the first photo in a carousel. That's amazing. That's huge. Yeah, like if you put it on there and then you don't like it, you can just go and change it. So safe to say there's a lot to be exploring on Instagram right now. So if you're out of the game, like there's some freedoms that are worth, I think, exploring.

SPEAKER_00

So that's the Instagram update. Okay, let's

Why We Share Hard Lessons

SPEAKER_00

do it. Let's get into it. Um, we have some fun mantras to share with you. We have some horror stories to share with you, the things that we've learned uh the hard way. Why don't you start, Andrea?

SPEAKER_01

Um, okay, let's see. I will start with my things I've learned the hard way. This is kind of an update I and I'll just give a mini preface on part of the reason that Johanna and I wanted to do this episode is this is the first episode I ever did on my own three years ago, and it's one of my most listened to episodes, and I think it just really connects to a lot of people because this is the stuff that people don't want to talk about, and it is really vulnerable and it is hard to share, but I really just feel like why go through all of it and then like not let anyone like benefit from it, if that makes sense. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So, and I think that the the benefit of sharing our things we've learned the hard way is hopefully people listening can learn from our mistakes and not make them. Um, when we talk about the lessons that we've learned or the silver lining or whatever, again, I'm not like a toxic positivity kind of person. I'm also not like I don't believe in making life difficult on purpose so that you can grow. But I do believe that life is difficult and we can choose to see it through a certain lens and a growth mindset. Um I truly believe too in the power of memories. And um, like if you take a trip, the way that you tell stories about the trip after and the way that you kind of like think back on it in your mind does so much more than the actual trip itself, right? So then years later, I can be talking about a trip I went on and be like, it was amazing, it was incredible because I talked about it positively and I remembered the good things. And so I think that's kind of the same thing with these hard things. If we talk about these hard things we went through and we're like, this is what I learned, it was such a crazy experience, but so many people rallied around me, like I'm so strong now. If that's how we're talking about it, like we can remember it in a really like positive light or a growth mindset instead of being like, I am the worst, I'm so embarrassed that this happened to me. I can't believe I made that mistake.

SPEAKER_01

For sure. Um, so take take some of these with you know whatever amount of mindset you need to like, uh if you've done these things, if you're scared of this happening to you, like just let it all come and go, like everything will work out as a whole. Um, okay, so I have two. Um, I have a little story to go along with each of them. I'll keep it pretty brief, but just to kind of give you a little look into what was going

When A Big Idea Feels Wrong

SPEAKER_01

on. Um, the first one that I want to share um is just it's still a hard one, I feel like, because of how society is built. But failure isn't really failure, it's just the universe pushing you to something different, or there is something better out there for you. And I know it's like so easy to be like, oh, there's something better out there, and you're like, yeah, whatever. But I really feel like I've tried to kind of accept this a little bit more in my life. Um, and so for example, I was so excited in 2024 at the very end of the year. Um, I started the Saltonville Bridal publication with Aubrey, and we were really excited. We had so much support, we had so many crazy opportunities coming, and it really did feel like everything was aligned. We had like a shoot for our magazine, like everything was going good. We were looking into publishing, and then it's kind of literally there no other way to explain it. Like the universe was just like this is not it right now. For both of us, like, there wasn't one single, like, there were no obstacles. I it's like sounds so crazy to say, and I'm sure there's those skeptics out there that'll be like, yeah, right. But like we had the funding, we had everything that we needed, and it just like there was no physical obstacle other than like it didn't feel right, it just felt like I was I was dragging to get there, and it was frustrating because we both wanted this, we both had like talked like it just didn't make any sense, and it was probably a couple months of us just pushing through kind of the busyness, making time for it, and I think we both just were too afraid to like admit it, like that hey, like this just doesn't feel right, and this is the interesting thing is that you were feeling this individually, yeah, and she was feeling this individually, but you don't want to come to your partner and be like, ugh, like something just doesn't feel right, or I'm just not as excited about this, or for some reason I'm having these reservations or hesitations.

SPEAKER_00

It's like you don't want to say that, but when you both finally did, you were both on the exact same page.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly, like we both have the same sentiment of like this is stupid. Like, why can we not feel excited? Like, we weren't mad at each other, and it was so relieving for that aspect of like having a person you're in it with that I wasn't actually letting anyone down, and like to this day, I still am like I just don't understand like why it just didn't feel right because initially it did. Um, so for whatever reason, we both just kind of were willing to accept, like, it's just not the time, and we're not gonna force it because you know as well as anybody else, like when you're forced to do something or your heart's not really in it, like it just makes it so much harder, and you don't get the kind of success that you would really want, and it just like it doesn't feel as rewarding, and so we both just had to kind of accept and put it on the shelf, and we've both said multiple times like I don't think that this is the end, like I just think it's not right now. I think that there will be a time in like both of our careers and points in our life where it makes a little bit more sense, and like in hindsight, like I did end up getting pregnant, and it was like a very exhausting experience and already trying to maintain my own business. Um, but it was really hard to like not feel like a failure, like it and even like I said, still, like it just feels like failure, even though like it it was a choice that we made, like to not do it and not to take that final huge step. But we have just kind of looked at like the positives, like you said, like hey, like we learned we learned a lot of stuff, and we did see how much the community wanted a more inclusive space, yeah, and like the possibilities that are out there, and I think it did give me like almost like a little bit of hope for like the industry as a whole. There's kind of a lot of good and bad and ugly within the wedding industry, specifically here in Utah, and the culture can feel really overwhelming and frustrating and clicky and all the things, but I think that experience really did teach me that like the creators will show up and people are really excited to support one another, and the people that don't want that, like they are very few in numbers, like the amount of people that didn't want to work on a project collaborating with other vendors in the same category, like it was very limited. Um, and it was really cool to see, and I just think that it's something I want to remind people that like just because the thing doesn't work out the way that you thought, or whatever, like it's just the universe trying to push you into something else, and I've ended up having like a very successful season this year, and I've really been able to throw myself into my family, and I really think that if I had prioritized making that happen, I wouldn't have these other two things that right now are my priority, and I just think you have to kind of like accept it and be like, that's okay, like it's not right now, and there are other things out here for me, and I'm not it it doesn't reflect on myself personally, like I'm not a failure, just this idea wasn't meant to be right

Human Design And Gut Decisions

SPEAKER_01

now.

SPEAKER_00

So I have so much to say about this. Okay, we're gonna get a little bit woo-woo, a little bit into human design. I love it. I love it. Okay, so I'm a manifesting generator, and there's like five different types that you can be. Um, and it's based on when you were born. It's really like a base, it's basically astrology. You just dive really, really far in, okay? I'm a manifesting generator, which means the universe brings me opportunities, and then I decide if it's for me and if I have like the energy to pursue those things. And my whole life, I totally thought I was a quitter. I like a hundred percent I did tennis until I quit. I uh was on the drill team until I quit my senior year in the middle of the season. I was on uh mock trial. I was like a little lawyer and mock trial until I quit. In college, I was into marketing for a while. Um, like I was a communications major. I had this whole time where I was like, I'm gonna be a musician. Like, this is my passion. I'm gonna sing and I'm gonna be a music major. And then finally, what I ended up going to school for marriage and family therapy, I quit that too. Like, and I always have had this feeling that I guess I'm just like not a really motivated person, or I guess I'm just not like diligent, or I I can't stick with anything. And when I learned about my human design, and okay, something to know about me, I believe a little bit in a lot of things. And there are very few things that I'm like, no, none of that can possibly tr be true. And there are very few things that I'm like, yes, absolutely, that is all a hundred percent true. Okay, so it's like take what you want and leave the rest, whatever, take what resonates and leave the rest. My human design um tells me, and this is for all manifesting generators, that when the universe brings you an opportunity, there's something in your gut that says uh-huh or uh-uh. It's an immediate yes or no. And if you say yes, that you then have to try that thing and then you get a second round of uh-hu or uh-uh. Some people say that you need to first make a choice before you can make an informed decision. So the universe says, Hey Andrea, do you want to do this publication, Salt and Veil? And you're like, ooh, this sounds so fun and exciting, and I think it's really needed. Yeah. Then you start doing it, and now that you have started doing it, you can make an informed decision. And again, this isn't like logical, this is in your gut. And so that's why you're like, it's you're like, I don't know why I'm having this feeling that it's wrong. Yeah. Because it doesn't actually make sense. That's not a logical it's not logical. Thank you. But it's like it's in your gut, okay? So then you make your informed decision. And either time, if you get that first no and you pursue that thing anyways, or if you get that second no and you pursue that thing anyways, you're just like met with obstacles, and they don't even have to be real or physical obstacles. Yeah, it's just like something in you, you're like, I don't know why this feels so hard. Okay, this relates to the wedding industry because I can tell you, and we've both said this, you can be on a call with a bride for two minutes and you just know right away if you're gonna click with them, if you're gonna vibe with them, if it's gonna be a good wedding. And sometimes you just have this feeling and you're like, I don't really know, I don't know what it is. I don't know why I have this feeling, but it just doesn't feel right. And if you do it anyways, you will regret it every single time. Which brings me to my motto, trust your gut, and my story, which I like lightweight want you to tell because it's so funny, and you've been wanting to tell this story on the podcast since day one.

SPEAKER_01

It's just like such a good, like, it just explains who we both are so inherently. And like honestly, I think this could have been like the seed of our friendship. Like, looking back, I think this dynamic was very important. It this was okay, I literally you're gonna die laughing. Okay, I watched this Spider-Man into the Spider Verse recently for the first time because my son Sawyer was really interested, anyways. And there's like this part where like the Spider-Man's like someone's about to die, and they're like, oh, careful, there's like a I don't know what they even called it. They're like, this is like a I don't know, oh, there was a word, like a a moment that like has to happen. They're like, this is coming up, like don't interfere, whatever. Because like in Spider-Man, it's like every there's always a person that dies and whatever.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And they're like, it's just like this has to happen for you know him to have his storyline, whatever. I feel like this was kind of our like our little milestone, like this had to kind of happen because like we wouldn't have known what we know.

SPEAKER_00

So do you want to tell the story or do you I'll I I will tell it and you'll obviously you'll jump in, but again, this is one of those things like with what we're saying, and I don't know. I don't I don't like the term silver lining, but like it is though. Like you're saying, this had to happen for us to be where we're at, whatever. Okay.

The Bad Review That Changed Everything

SPEAKER_00

When I was early on in my career, this is like and I had not yet learned 2021, I think. Maybe 2022. Yeah. I'm literally looking at the review now. I just pulled it up. It's on a closed Yelp page. This Yelp page like doesn't even exist anymore. So bummy. Uh but it does it's not date stamped. I don't know. We're gonna say 2021, 2022. And um I was still in the beginning of my business and I was I had heard somebody say once, say yes to everything, because that's how you learn in the beginning. And so I was totally in that mindset of like I have to say yes and I can't be picky and whatever. Um and I was making exceptions for people a lot. Like I would be like, Oh, I have an exclusivity clause, but then if somebody asked me, oh, well, can my aunt have flowers here? I'd be like, Well, yeah, that's fine. I'll wave it for you. Well, why do you have a clause then if you're just gonna wave it for every person that asks? Anyways, same thing with my minimum. I had a minimum, but this specific couple, um, they started out a $4,000 budget and then they just kind of worked their way down and down and down until all they ordered from me was a bridal bouquet and uh welcome signed flowers and cake flowers. And the total was less than $500. And I showed up for their event.

SPEAKER_01

You do have to pause because important information is that this person had reached out to me. Yeah. And also got an a quote. The first time I sent my inquiry and I got ghosted. The second time they actually did inquire, I sent pricing, I got ghosted. So Johanna and I were close enough friends at this point that we did the thing where I was like, hey, this is what. I quoted them. I don't care to take it, but like just know this is what I charge. So then, like, she had the context of like what she could charge, and she was really nice to like give them a good deal, anyways, and like went for it. I feel like that's gonna come back later.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, so I show up with the bridal bouquet, and she tells me she doesn't like the eucalyptus coming out of it, which at the time I wasn't even I again went against what I normally do because I didn't like using eucalyptus.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Even then, and I still did it. Yeah. Now I just I'm like, nah, I'm I'm not putting eucalyptus in your bouquet. I'm sorry, I'm not gonna do that. Um, but yeah, so she had me like cut cutting the bouquet like in front of her, and I was trying to work on the welcome sign flowers, but the welcome sign wasn't there, and like an hour passed, I'm just sitting waiting. I made them a free boutonier while I waited because I thought it was weird that I didn't have one on the order, and I was like, I might as well make them one. So I gave them a free boutonier, and um, some people are coming in. She like uh doesn't really have a wedding planner, it's like everybody's just helping. And so some girls are coming in. I'm like, hey, do you guys know where the welcome sign is? Because they're bringing in decor and uh they're like, no, we don't know where it is. I'm like, okay, and eventually I just have to go into the bride and talk to her, which I really don't like to bring up any issues with the bride on the wedding day, but I don't have a planner to talk to. So I go to her and I'm super nice and smiley and happy. I'd been here for two hours at this point, and I'm like, hey, um, I do have to go at this point. Um, her welcome sign had just come in like 10 minutes before. I did the welcome sign and it was great. Um, but I came in and said, Hey, uh, I do have to go. I cannot come back to do your cake flowers because I've been here for hours and I had another event that day. So I was like, I can't make the time to come back and do your cake flowers. Um, so I'm gonna refund you uh the total for the cake flowers. I'm gonna leave you with the flowers to do it yourself because um I'm sure somebody will be able to do that. It's really, really simple inspo. And she had a whole wedding arch that was being brought in. Like and buckets of flowers. So again, breaking exclusivity clause, I am super nice, I refund her, I leave her the flowers. She's like, okay, she doesn't bring up any issues with me. Um, and I leave. A week later, I get the nastiest review on my Yelp page, on my Facebook page, I get text messages, I get Instagram messages, I get Facebook messages, and it is the groom basically writing uh paragraphs of how awful I was. Like he literally said that I accosted the bridesmaids, um, that the bridal bouquet was smaller than the bridesmaids' bouquets, which was very disappointing and embarrassing. Which, like, by the way, the bridesmaids' bouquets were like bushes of eucalyptus. Like, yeah, it's smaller than that giant bush of eucalyptus. Sorry. Like, and you had me cut it down. You didn't provide. No, I didn't provide the bridesmaids' bouquets. Anyways, and I don't even like I I'm not even letting myself read this right now because I know it's gonna like get me worked up. I'm just like picking out key little quotes, you know. But it's just like the way that he talks about me, he says like she was very unprofessional and was I expected more from this florist.

SPEAKER_01

I think so. Because I remember the line where he said, like, she was the most expensive quote that we got.

SPEAKER_00

Which This is what he says. Okay, I'm reading apart. If we could leave them a zero-star review, we would on Train to Bloom was a nightmare, and there are so many other florists out there. I would absolutely look into other florists and avoid them. And then he like, yeah, he says we chose her because she was the most expensive, so we thought that meant that we would be getting like luxury.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so ding ding ding line number 17. Like, like not even not even factual stuff.

SPEAKER_00

So I'm gonna paint you the picture. I am in bed, it's like 11 o'clock at night. I see that these are coming in. I'm crying. I have like so much anxiety that I think I'm gonna throw up. Like I'm so nauseous. I mean, and that literally tells me aggressive to like. Oh, he told me I will not leave you alone. Yeah. That's what he said. I will not leave you alone. I will keep leaving reviews because I'm so mad about this. And I'm like, okay, maybe I'm gonna like maybe if you had done a $10,000 wedding and I didn't show up with any of your flowers and I ruined your entire wedding day, then maybe you could be this angry. But like it was a bridal bouquet, cake flowers, and welcome sign flowers. Two of the three things I supplied to you, one of them I refunded and gave you the flowers. Like, I don't understand that this ruined your whole wedding. I'm he was on his honeymoon in like a ball. It was somewhere crazy. Yeah, okay, and this is what he's doing is messaging me and telling me that he's never gonna leave me alone and like leaving reviews on multiple platforms. Okay, so I'm crying, I don't know what to do. Andrea just like comes in ready to fight, and she's like, actually, none of this is even relevant because I have proof that you inquire. So, like, I call him out publicly on his review on Facebook. Like, and Yeah, and she's like, I know that this is wrong because I quoted you higher than that. So you're already lying just about that one thing. It was so all of this is irrelevant.

SPEAKER_01

Like, I think I said something like I have proof. I was like, I have proof that you've looked at a quote and I have the pricing, and I know that her price was way cheaper than mine. So you saying that she was the most expensive quote that you got is a blatant lie, which I think I said like that causes like to question anything else that you've said. Like, you're a liar. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

No, and like I just can't imagine being this rude. I can't imagine being so mean and so aggressive that you would feel the need to reach out again on multiple platforms and then tell me that like this behavior will not stop. Like, I I will keep doing this. It was crazy behavior. It was insane. It was insane. And it kind of like continued on. Like Andrew was arguing with him in comments, and he was responding, and then my family got involved, which was what it was. And it was just like this whole thing, and it affected me a lot. Like it gave me a lot of trauma. And it's I would say just this year that I've started feeling less afraid of bad reviews. But for so long, I was like doing things going above and beyond, doing things that I really like should not have been made to do or forced to do for my clients just because I was so afraid that they were gonna leave me a bad review. Yeah. So trust your

Contracts, Red Flags, And Self Worth

SPEAKER_00

gut. If something tells you, hey, this isn't the right ride for you. Oh, some something's off here. This isn't like the right fit, don't do it. And listen to your contract, don't make exceptions for people.

SPEAKER_01

If someone is asking you to protect you to change your contract and they're uncomfortable with something, it's an automatic red flag. It's indicating that they don't want to be told what they can and can't do, which is a problem. You cannot have an entitled client because it will not, it won't stop. Like they will push you on one thing that like just like this. It's it's the exclusivity clause, then it's the minimum, then it's the timeline clause. Like it just it doesn't stop, and it just it creates an unpleasant experience for both you and clearly the client. Like it's just red flag.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, and I'm not forcing anybody to do business with they don't have to sign the contract, they can go find somebody else to work with that they feel more comfortable with.

SPEAKER_01

I've told the story before of the dad that didn't like my contract and then ended up breaking it. Yep. And yeah, that was my point was like, um, well, you could I said you can go find someone else who doesn't require a card on file. That was his beef. He didn't want to leave a card on file. And I said, Well, you're more than welcome to go find another florist. That's my policy. And then he was like, No, no, no, no, like I I'll do it, I'll do it. And I was like, Okay, great. Like, I I just think sometimes I remind my clients, like, I don't I my mom would hate this, but like, I'm like, I don't need you. Like, I know that I have something to offer somebody else, and I know I'm valued. I'm not that desperate for a shizzy client experience. Like, I will find somebody else to book this date.

SPEAKER_00

And I I think that is really the biggest thing I learned from this experience is knowing my worth. Yeah, I'm worth more than somebody who's gonna treat me like that. I don't deserve that. I don't deserve to have my work like diminished, yeah. I don't deserve to be put in situations where I'm losing money, where I'm sacrificing my time for somebody else's wedding and like not receiving the benefits for it, you know? So I'm worth more than that, you're worth more than that, know your worth. Don't say yes to things that your gut is obviously telling you like it's not right, and don't make exceptions for people. And I think this kind of goes into your next thing about preparing for the worst and hoping for the best, but like we can't just trust everybody's intentions. No.

SPEAKER_01

So perfect tie-in to my next uh this is my my thing that I learned the hard

Vendor Trust Gone Wrong With Rentals

SPEAKER_01

way. Um, my biggest one, this was last year. Um, we've discussed the Utah flower community and the slack and all of these things that I specifically have really worked to create. So when someone kind of goes against like floral florist like bro code, I'll call it like it really aggravates me because I'm like, get out of here! Like you only have the like this great community because people are willing to be cool and you're like, I don't know, ruining it for the rest of us. So last year, someone it's often that people will sell things in the chat, um, whether it's product or inventory, just like last week, I just bought a bunch of bud vases from a friend of mine who is kind of taking a backseat on florals. Um, so someone was saying that they were selling these pedestal pieces. If you are a florist right now, you know that pedestal pieces are one of the highly requested items because they're easy to transport, they're a pretty good cost comparison to like a full garden arch. Um, and so I I already had some, but I was like, you know what, like I am doing these installs a lot. Um, and it was a set of three, so three different heights, and they were all print painted white. Um she posted a picture into the group and was like, hey, I have these, here's the price, and it was like a little bit higher than I would have wanted to spend, but I was like, whatever, this is just like easy, and like I was newly pregnant, so I was just like, whatever, like I'll make it be done. Um, because I need these literally for a shoot in a couple weeks. Great, so I message her, I get them. There's like multiple girls as backups in the comments, like, oh, if she passes, I'm interested, whatever. So I end up getting them. We message, I pay her without like looking at them because I don't know, why would I question that? Um, and she's someone I've totally talked to multiple times. Like, I know this girl pretty well, and she um even was like, Hey, um, like I'm loading them up, and there's like a little bit more water damage um than I thought, so um, I she said, like, I just so you know, like you can sand it down, um, and like it will be fine, or and you can just repaint it, whatever. I was like, Okay, that's fine. Um, then she's like, Hey, I can actually drop them off for you, and I was like, Wow, okay, that's super nice. Again, like, should I have picked up on these things? Probably. But I was like, Cool, sounds great. Like, how nice. I love my floral community. I get these pieces, I come out, it's like it was a later night drop-off. I come out in the morning and I'm horrified at what I see. I if I could insert a photo, just like the amount of water damage was crazy. Like it was. Yeah, they were like warped. Yeah, it was warped like inches on the sides on the top, because she had said it was the tops, and I was like, no big deal, I'll cover these with flowers. Like, that doesn't bother me. It was the whole sides and like chips off the bottom. I was like, oh my gosh, like these are not in any condition to be used or to be rented, like these are gonna take some time. So I did reach out and I said, Hey, you know, this is not exactly like at all what the photo suggested. You said there was damage on the tops, like this is well more than that. I probably sent like six different photos of like literally all of them were really bad. And I'm like, can you like send me a partial refund? Like, do you want these back? You could sell them to one of the other girls. Like, this is just way more than I have the time to deal with. She was like, Okay, I'll send you a partial refund. Like, I checked with the guy that made them. Like, if you just sand it down and repaint it, like it'll be fine. So that weekend, my pregnant ass goes to the store, I buy a sander, I buy the paint, I buy all the things that I need, I sand them down. Well, it wasn't actually wood, it was like, oh, it's called some, it's like particle.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So the texture is not smooth once you sand it. Now it is like foam board, like it's not smooth, and like it's flat now, like there's no warping, but as I've painted, imagine like just splotchiness going on.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So I'm like, yeah, so this doesn't work to just be sanded down. Obviously, I'm really pissed. I've spent like hours now on this project, and money, and I'm like, I just paid like a bunch of money for these. So I reach out again, I'm just like, hey, I did exactly what you said, and like this is not working. Like you said that this would happen, blah blah blah. Again, I'm like, you can come pick these up and you can give them to somebody else, but like I would not feel comfortable selling these to somebody or renting these to someone in this condition, like, these are not acceptable for my caliber of events, and then she just gets so snippy back, and she's just like, these are worth way more than what I sent them for, and like so many other girls want them, and I already gave you a partial refund, and I was like, Well, yeah, that was under the understanding that these could be repaired, and they clearly can't be. And I was like, and if they can be resold, if you think they're that valuable, please by all means take them back and go sell them to somebody else. But like, I just don't think that that's true, and she was just a total BH about it, and then I I asked like two or three different times. I said, like, can you please send me the number of the guy that made them for you? I'm pretty sure she lied about this aspect as well. I think that maybe she or her husband made them because I kept I asked three times and she never would respond. I said, Can you send me this guy's info? I'd be happy to like hire him to actually make me some or to see if he can fix them for me. And she never responded, and so of course I got with the girls that are the admins of the group, and we talked it over on like, okay, like if people are gonna be selling stuff, literally just taking advantage of other people, like, is this okay? And you know, we dealt with that in a separate manner, which is not that important, but just kind of made it really clear into the group that you cannot be selling stuff that is not what you say it is. Um, and I just kind of had to accept, like, wow, that's really disappointing that someone would treat another florist like that, especially where we've worked so hard to be so community over competition. Um, but I think like the hard pill for me to swallow is like money is more important to some people, and people really don't care about you sometimes. And I that sounds like so cynical and like so like I don't know, like emo, like I don't know, just like so negative. But I just think like you need to protect yourself and your business first. Um, and there's been plenty of other experiences in my time with other vendors or even clients where you want to assume the best in people, and I think it's like human nature to be like, don't assume the worst. Like, I'm sure it's not that bad, but like when it comes to you and your business, like you unfortunately do and should keep your walls up to an extent and and make sure that you can trust somebody and don't just assume that they mean no bad intent, um, and that like they have your best interest at heart, because unfortunately that's that's really true, and um, you know, a lot of people have different motives, and so I've just kind of had to learn in my business that I just need to accept the risk of if I choose to be very open with another vendor and share some important business information or whatever it might be, that they can do whatever they want with that and they can be slimy about it, or you know, if someone's given an opportunity, they don't always do the right thing, and so just make sure that you're not super liable in a scenario where like you could put yourself or your business at risk. Um, obviously it worked out fine. I was financially in a situation where I could eat that cost, and yeah, I had to eat that cost and literally threw away the pedestals because I was not under good conscience gonna sell those to somebody else, and I did post them in the same group and said this is what they actually look like if someone would like to buy them, and nobody wanted them, and so I I think you literally said that like people could have them for free, or like you could have them for like 20 bucks, like it was like so literally dirt cheap, and yeah, nobody wanted them.

SPEAKER_00

Still nobody wanted them, so that is insane, and it's so true. Like again, that's why we have contracts to protect ourselves from like bigger things or things with clients, but it's true that you can't just say, like, oh, I trust them. Yeah, there are people that I do trust, uh, and that haven't proven me wrong, but there are the other people.

SPEAKER_01

You need to earn people need to earn your trust, and maybe that's what it is. They need to earn that trust before you just and this is I don't rent out a lot of my decor anymore because I just had people be careless with I get things back broken and then they don't seem to be very like apologetic, and it just makes it uncomfortable. Where if it were me, I'd be like, Hey, I'm so sorry I broke your chimneys.

SPEAKER_00

No, I literally borrowed your chimneys, and you were so nice and like didn't want to charge me for them, but I borrowed them and when I gave them back, I literally just Venmo you a hundred dollars because I was like, Yeah, some of these definitely broke, but here's some money so you can go order some more, you know? And like that's like a long yeah, like yeah, it's because I'm an honest person and I also respect you, and I don't want to stick you with something that was my fault, so yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So just like protect you, protect your business, make sure people earn that trust from you, and let's keep at it. What else do we have to share today?

Mantras For Stress And Confidence

SPEAKER_00

Okay, one that I have that's a mantra, and not necessarily something I've learned the hard way, but something that I've proven to myself again and again is I am capable and competent. This is something I started saying to myself when I first started my business. Um, I was doing a lot of yoga back then, and like at the start of the practice, they'd say, you know, if there's something you want to dedicate your practice to or a mantra that you want to repeat throughout the practice, um, like, you know, think of it now. And I don't one day I just like I am capable and competent. That was like immediately what came to my mind, and it was because I was stressed about something it honestly probably was like the back end/slash paperwork of starting like a sole proprietorship or starting a business. The fact that you have to have a sole proprietorship or LLC, which is different from your EIN, which is different from your resale certificate or your sales tax license, which is different from your business license in the city that you live, like it would it was really overwhelming. Yeah. And so I just started telling myself that like I'm capable and competent, I'm a smart girl, I can figure it out. Yeah, and it's gonna be okay. And I still say that to myself, and it's like with things like Italy, this huge event, that it's like, where do I even start? But it's just a little mantra. I'm like, I can do it, I'm capable, I'm competent, I can figure it out.

SPEAKER_01

I love that. And I do think like having a consistent mantra does help because I feel like we as humans like we tend to revert back to the same like issues or like mindset, like roadblocks. So I think it's really great and like kind of a good like grounding, like to have your your thing.

SPEAKER_00

If you don't know about fixed mindset versus growth mindset, you should look into that. It's like pretty simple to learn, but basically a fixed mindset uh like when something hard happens, you're telling yourself, I'm not good at this, I can't do this, and you're fixed in the place that you're at in that moment. Uh growth mindset is again, I'm capable, I can figure this out. If something does go wrong, I can figure out what to do next. I think that's an important outlook um to have. I'm gonna share two mantras. One is my dad's and one is my twin sister's. My dad is something will go wrong. And like that sounds like a really bad mantra to have. It was like be prepared. It's really like Yeah. And it's like when something does go wrong, don't be so caught off guard, so surprised. I can't believe something went wrong. Like what? When he was teaching me how to drive, he said, You will get into a car accident. When you do, this is what you do. Like when this happens, this is what you do. And immediately it was like he gave me permission to make mistakes. And yeah, I have been in car accidents, you know. And yeah, it's like the same thing with every single event. Something will go wrong. How are you gonna deal with it? What are you gonna do next? Let's not fall apart when it happens. It's like, what are you gonna do next? Okay, and then my sister's is um it's not that serious. And I think those kind of go hand in hand. That's something that she's trying to tell herself a lot this year with so many different aspects of her life. Um, just when you're like so busy or so bogged down with work or things just feel so overwhelming, like taking a step back and reminding yourself it's not that serious. And I've been doing that lately with flowers. Um I had a bride who she's been her wedding has been published multiple times in different magazines, which has been really fun to see. Um, but I was reading one of the publications and it said, like, what are your two favorite vendors? And I wasn't one of them. And I read it and I at first I was like, oh, I wasn't one of her favorites, but then I was like, it's so cool because she was a great bride and her vision was so pretty. And her wedding is one of my favorites, like top three for sure. But it's really cool that I wasn't her priority. She gushed about me later when they specifically asked about the flowers. It's not like she was rude by any means. She was really grateful and really happy with how it went, but it was a good reminder that above all else, this is somebody's wedding day, and the most important thing happening is that they're marrying their partner. Then beneath that, it there is a party and there is decor and there is, but like you're not the only person. There's so many other vendors involved. Like it's not that serious, and whatever that thing that is going wrong is, like, you will figure it out. And if it's that your hydrangeas came a little bit blue and you had to figure that out, or that you forgot your toolbox. I once did a wedding in Hawaii and forgot my entire toolbox at home. And I called around a local florist, and one florist said, Come over and come borrow anything you want. And I did.

SPEAKER_01

It's like one time I forgot all of my shears for the event toolbox. Um, so we had a pair of fabric scissors and one girl's shears that she brought herself. Not the fabric scissors.

SPEAKER_00

I was like, Well, yeah, and like that's how it is. And in the moment, like, and I think that's why I also okay, I also feel like as a florist, maybe a wedding vendor in general, you kind of like have to, and I've talked about this before in the podcast, but you kind of just have to like not care that much about things or like not be emotionally tied to things when things go wrong. Like, I've literally had half an arch fall off the wall before that install that me and you did at Grove Station. Yeah. And I kind of was just like, okay, and I figured it out. I moved it, I put like a little pedestal piece on that side and like made a little arrangement there. Something will go wrong, and you just figure it out and you move on, and it's not that serious.

SPEAKER_01

I want to peg you back off of specifically your dad's um for like a couple kind of thoughts that I have. I I will second, I will second that one as well, and that something will go wrong. Something that I tell each of my brides on their wedding day or prior to their wedding day, um, like as we're doing our final call, is I say, um, just remember that the whole point of the day is that you got married to the person that you love. That's the point. Everything else is just a bonus, everything else is just icing on the cake. And I kind of said, like, so if your cake melts or if you forget your sign-in book, like just remember that, like, that is not the point. And I I do tell them, like, something will get forgotten, something will get messed up, whether it's the weather, like, there are so many variables within your wedding, but at the end of the day, you just need to remember that like the whole point was that you got married, and like this is just to celebrate that. Like, the wedding's already happened as long as you get married, like, everything else is just kind of a bonus. Um, and the second thing, this again is going to sound kind of cynical, but it really has changed

You Will Be Okay No Matter What

SPEAKER_01

my life. I don't feel like we've talked about this recently, but if you're new, my dad passed away when I was eight from a heart attack unexpectedly. Obviously, he was 42, I was eight years old. Um, you're gonna be like, oh my gosh, that's so sad. Seriously, like I'm fine, like, we're good. Moving on. Um, moving on. My mom told me something pretty quick into the grieving process for us as kids. And she said, like, one of my friends' um husbands died, um, and she, or I think it was her friend's dad had died, and her mom, she like took the loss so hard because she was kind of like a worst-case scenario prepper, and her mom's solution would be like that would never happen, that won't happen. Like, to just tell herself, like, you know, don't worry about it, basically. And so then when it happened to her, like it was so hard for her to like conceive and to like accept it because she had told her brain that that was not a possibility. Um, and so she started telling her kids when they'd say, like, you know, what if this happens, what if this happens? Her response would be, you will be okay. And I was eight and I adopted that. Was like, yeah, like you're right, like I will be okay. And obviously that's very deep, and so you can apply this to any manner of your life. But I just think that as a business owner as well, like you need to accept the risk of any possibilities, right? What if my bride hates her bouquet? Like, I will be okay, like, I will be okay, you'll figure it out, like you'll make it right, it'll be okay. Um, and that's kind of like you kind of combat, I think, some of the intrusive thoughts of having a business and taking so many risks. It's like you kind of have to accept that, like, yeah, the business could fail. Yeah, you might run out of energy, yeah, it might be more money than you thought. Um, but also you can do things to combat those things. Like, you can have your toolbox prepped with alien tape and gorilla glue, and like you can you can put safeguards in place to where you're not like totally stranded in the event that you need to solve a problem, but it's also okay to like accept the possibility, right? Like, you know, the candles might fly off the table. Yeah, that could totally happen.

SPEAKER_00

And just know, like, yeah, I let I let it have it, but like, but it will be okay. Something I always say is all I have to do is not quit. Yeah, the only thing I have to do is don't quit, like, just keep going because you you will get over anything, like you will work through it, and something that feels devastating in the moment, like that review that I got was so hard and so emotional for me. Look at where I am now.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, yeah, we've we've all been, and that's the thing, like we've all been there. I've had bad reviews, and then some of them have gone away and some of them haven't. Like, some of them got resolved and some did not. And guess what? I'm still here making more money than I've ever made before. Like, they did not topple my little empire, like it it all worked out. So, um, any other ones that things that you learned the hard way or mindsets or mantras that have kind of been a good support to you.

SPEAKER_00

I have a good one to end on.

Paying For Mistakes As Education

SPEAKER_00

Okay, this is also something that my dad says, but he has told me again and again that any money that I lose from trying something new, or anytime I quote unquote fail and lose money, um, he says to just think about it like my education cost. So, like people go to college and learn how to be a doctor, or they learn how to be a teacher and they pay to go to college. And even those people continue to take classes, like my husband, who's a teacher, he has to do continuing education every single year. And that costs money. And I didn't go to college to be a florist. I took some floral classes in high school and in college, but I don't have a degree in being a florist, and I didn't spend $70,000 on my education. So when I make a mistake, that costs me money. I now just think about it like that's that was the cost of learning a lesson. I love that. Yeah, it's kind of when we're thinking about learning something the hard way. It's like, yeah, I paid, I paid to learn that lesson. Sometimes you actually pay like monetarily, sometimes you pay mentally or emotionally. Um, my very first Valentine's Day, uh, we had just finished renovating the flower wagon. I had my grand opening, and then it was Valentine's weekend, and I was so excited, and I laced my order from Maesh to sell bouquets for three days. Uh Valentine's Day was a Monday, so I was like gonna be out Saturday, Sunday, Monday. And I bought $2,800 worth of flowers. That's crazy. $2,800 worth of flowers, and my sweet, naive little brain was like, yeah, I'm gonna sell all of this and make money. Like, yeah, do you know how many bouquets I would have had to sell to make to make that back, let alone make a profit? Really? And I ended the weekend with so many flowers left over, and I felt so stupid, and I was like, just throw them all away. I don't even want to look at them anymore. And that's when my dad told me that. I think that was the first time that I had heard him say that. He was like, just consider it education. Now you know what to order the next time. And I still over-order the next time, not by that much, but now I know when I go out in the flower wagon and I'm gonna sell bouquets, I don't spend more than $400 on flowers.

SPEAKER_01

Literally, and I've learned that lesson. I really like that, and I think I'll add my last little nugget as well within this. Like, I just think our brains are tandem at this point. Um, but I had a similar experience when I was in college. I feel like we've we've addressed that I I did a stint in college and I could not find my passion because Shaker Shaker, the thing that I love, did not did not live at college. And I was close with I had an LDS bishop, and he's actually like a very successful businessman. He has like multiple million dollar companies, anyways. Besides the point, but he was a good person to be asking, and I was basically like trying to like get his brain on like I don't like college and I feel like I'm wasting my time here, and I feel really bad, like I don't want to be like taking a place at a college where people want to come here and I'm just literally like goofing off, it's what it feels like. And he told me something I was really shocked because he wasn't even like you need to finish, or like, you know, this is so important. He literally just said, like, you need to understand that like education is so valuable, and it's not like you need to have a degree for your education to be valuable, like whether you're just learn, like learning is valuable, and learning new skills, learning new things that you're interested in, whether or not you end up like pursuing a career in a certain area or getting a certain degree, like that's still valuable, like knowledge is value, and that also just changed my outlook as well because I think I only did one more semester before I ended up quitting and pursuing floral design. Um, but it did take off that guilt of like feeling like I had to pick something or like I had to be like productive in my classes, like it's okay to just like absorb what you are absorbing and like let that have a lasting impact, and it doesn't necessarily have to like have a grand, you know, finale of like a reveal and what you get to do with that thing, like knowledge, like knowledge is powerful, and it's whether you're paying for it or it's free, it still holds its value. So I really like that as well because I've just adopted that as I am running a business. I take the time to try and learn skills before I outsource them. Um, and I really valued that myself. Like, I've valued learning how to keep my books and to use social media and do Canva, and you can totally outsource all those things, but I find value in just sitting down and learning how to do it myself because I think that's valuable. So those are I feel like all you can take or leave any of those. I think there's a good balance of really upbeat and positive mantras, and the things we've learned the hard way, I feel like are a little bit more I don't know, they still like hurt my heart, like for both of us.

SPEAKER_00

I know it's hard, but I I think that uh I don't know, through talking through this last hour, the thing that just keeps coming back to me is releasing guilt and shame. Like you even just said that it helped you feel less guilty about not enjoying school or whatever. And it's the same thing when I learned about my human design um and manifesting generators, how it's okay that I tried a lot of different things and then quit those things. Like I didn't have to carry that shame anymore of being a quitter. It was suddenly like, oh yeah, it makes sense that I have to try something before I know if it's for me or not, you know, or that like, oh, now I I've learned that as I trust my intuition more from the outset, there are less times that I end up quitting something because I know to say no from the beginning now, you know. Like I think just releasing the shame, spending $2,800 on my Valentine's flowers or getting a bad review, like it's okay. Those aren't failures that say something about how capable I am.

SPEAKER_01

And they're not about you, they're just about things, it's just all learning. Like it's there's a distinction

Releasing Shame And Closing Thoughts

SPEAKER_01

there. So we would love to hear any of your takeaways from this episode. Whether you shoot us a DM or you tag us on a story, we would love to know that you're listening. So please feel free to tag us on social media or again, please send us a message. We're always so excited when we hear that someone's listening to us. And as usual, if you have any requests for an episode or something that you're struggling with in your business, we would love to help and answer any of those questions.

SPEAKER_00

Thanks for sitting with us. I hope that you can have a little bit more love for yourself and release any weight that you're carrying um about mistakes or failures. And just remember that we're just all growing. We're just all learning. It's just a journey, you know.

SPEAKER_01

Thank you guys so much, and we will see you next time. Bye.